Love And Hate: Fighting My Emotions

Dear self, I hate what you have done to your body.

Dear self, I love that you are trying to change what you have done to your body.

Dear body, I hate that you are not cooperating with my efforts to get healthy.

Dear body, I hate that as hard as I am working the weight is not coming off.

Dear body, I hate that diabetes is a huge factor in not losing weight.

Dear self, I hate that you allowed your body to get so over weight that diabetes is now a problem.

Dear self, I love that even with all the struggles you keep trying. Keep working through the emotions and self doubt.

This is so stinking hard! Did I make the right decision to not go through with weight loss surgery? I have been working so hard to loose weight and it seems like I am facing an uphill battle! This stupid diabetes is not helping! If I eat, my sugar levels go up (even with medicine). If I cut back then my sugar drops way too low when I exercise, and I can’t work out as hard or as long as I need to. I hate this unhealthy feeling I’m having towards food. I am beginning to hate food. I am eating healthy but it doesn’t seem to matter.  I started at the gym. I do great when I am there, but when I don’t get there working out on my own is so hard. I do it but it’s just so tough doing it on my own. I feel like I have support but I also feel alone at the same time. I keep telling myself to not give up. That I have  to keep doing what I am doing. Yet I wonder how long will I mentally be able to stick with this if I don’t see any progress. Sigh…I hate days like this.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will keep on trying. I will keep on working. I will try to do more than I was able to do today.