This Is My Happy Face

I haven’t blogged in a while. I haven’t had much to report. Nothing exciting has been happening in my weight loss journey. I’m still struggling with being positive, and up beat about this whole process. But some days are harder than others! Especially when I don’t see the progress that I want to see.

This last month has kind of been like a yo-yo. Two pounds down, two pounds up. Not really going anywhere. Frustrating! Frustrating! Did I say FRUSTRATING?!? Every day I remember to smile and thank God that I have one more day to keep working on loosing the weight and to get healthier. Thank Him that I haven’t yet dropped  from a heart attack…try to remember to be thankful for the little things like that.

Years ago I was watching some cheer leading movie that had Tommy Lee Jones in it. He was playing a FBI agent under cover as a Texas college cheer coach. He was supposed to be smiling and showing his “happy face” to the whole crowd at the football game. His expression was more of a grimace. The assistant coach said “Show them your happy face” through clenched teeth he said “This is my happy face”. That’s it! That’s exactly how I feel!  Some days are easy to laugh and be up beat. the other days…not so much. I just grin and bear it, and say “This is my happy face”.

I’m not depressed. Honestly I’m not (my doctor says I’m mentally sound). I just have a personality that likes things to be smooth and easy, and when that doesn’t happen I seriously stress out and want to throw in the towel and say that’s it I’m done (yeah it makes my life way harder than it should ever be). Easy? Yeah right! That’s NOT how this has been! It hasn’t been easy. Every day I want to say screw it! I’ll stay fat and happy! But the reality is that I’m not fat and happy. I’m fat and miserable!

 This is my happy face!

So onward I go. I’m doing my interval training and my trainer has just added some weights to my exercising. Trying to stay positive I remind myself that I can see changes. I was able to get the treadmill up to a new high speed for me on my interval training (5 miles per hour). That’s a good thing. My favorite pink t-shirt is a little  looser. That’s a good thing. I’ve lost head to toe a combined total of 4 inches. That’s a good thing. I’m down 25 pounds. That’s a good thing. I had to by new underwear because my old ones were getting too big (TMI I know but hey at least something was getting to big). That’s a good thing. I feel like I’m getting a little stronger. That’s a good thing. Small things. It’s the small things that I have to remind myself of. That way the big things don’t seem impossible!

This is my happy face!

This week has been a good week even with the yo-yo stuff on the scale. I got my daughter into the gym with me. On the way home she said that she was surprised at how hard I work in the gym. That made me feel good. I felt stronger on my treadmill work outs. I loved the introduction of the weights but not the sore muscles. I loved the fact that I was able to do some stadium stairs after walking two miles on the track. Maybe my walk could have been a bit faster, but my legs and butt were still a tad sore from the weights. But hey I completed my work out!

This is my happy face!

This is not easy for me. I really want to walk away from it all. But I won’t, I can’t. I know that when I really start to see bigger results I will begin to feel more excited and pumped up.  I’m just wondering when that will be? When will this plateau be over? When will I feel like true progress has been made? When will I see a big physical difference?  When? When? When?

 THIS IS MY HAPPY FACE!

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Happy Pants Dance

Recently I saw a re-run of America’s Funniest Home Videos. There was this little girl who was maybe 2, and every time she answered a question right she did this cute little  “Smarty pants dance”

Ok so you get the point..super cute.

I have been increasingly frustrated because while I see small changes in my appearance while dropping weight I haven’t noticed any big changes. It just seems to be a horribly slow process. However I did decide to take my measurements. I hadn’t taken them in a few months. I was pleased. I lost 4 1/2 inches. Feeling positive, I tried on my favorite pair of blue jeans Capris. Two weeks ago I was able to put them on but I was not even close to being able to zip or button them up. There was about a 2 inch gap between the sides of the zipper! Guess what? I was able to zip and button them! Whoo Hoo! Well let me tell you I did my own dance! Running out to the living room where my husband was, I pranced around singing “Look at my pants! Look at my pants! Happy pants dance! Happy pants dance!” Needless to say he just rolled his eyes and chuckled, not overly impressed with my song and dance. When I was done acting like a total idiot he gave me a hug and said good job. As you can see it doesn’t take much to make me happy!

Flash forward a few days, we are at a store getting some things and I notice my husband constantly pulling up his shorts. My oldest son and I spent a few minutes picking on my husband because when he pulled the shorts up he hiked them way up and it just looked so funny! I teased him about needing a belt. Marty (the hubby) is quite good at ignoring  me. This time was no exception. When we got home I watched him place his cell phone in his pocket, and had to catch his pants as they slid down. Really? So I said “Are you ready to get some new clothes yet” (he hates shopping with a passion). The response I got was “Nope not yet they still stay on my body. Maybe when they drop to my ankles”.  Did I mention he hates shopping for clothes? Ha Ha The only thing keeping them from doing that is his big butt!

Out of curiosity he got on my scale. Marty had lost 9 pounds, but that was in the evening, so he did it again in the morning….11 pounds! Good for him. Marty seemed quite pleased. Me, not so much! Yes happy for him but I think I was a tad jealous! I’ve been working my butt off and haven’t seen any big physical changes. He isn’t even trying to loose weight! He just cut back on drinking soft drinks and his pants drop off! Really? Where is the fairness in that?  If he had done the Happy pants dance I think I may have thrown something at him!

I will do my Happy pants dance again one day! I will be a dancing fool! Victory will be mine!