Love And Hate: Fighting My Emotions

Dear self, I hate what you have done to your body.

Dear self, I love that you are trying to change what you have done to your body.

Dear body, I hate that you are not cooperating with my efforts to get healthy.

Dear body, I hate that as hard as I am working the weight is not coming off.

Dear body, I hate that diabetes is a huge factor in not losing weight.

Dear self, I hate that you allowed your body to get so over weight that diabetes is now a problem.

Dear self, I love that even with all the struggles you keep trying. Keep working through the emotions and self doubt.

This is so stinking hard! Did I make the right decision to not go through with weight loss surgery? I have been working so hard to loose weight and it seems like I am facing an uphill battle! This stupid diabetes is not helping! If I eat, my sugar levels go up (even with medicine). If I cut back then my sugar drops way too low when I exercise, and I can’t work out as hard or as long as I need to. I hate this unhealthy feeling I’m having towards food. I am beginning to hate food. I am eating healthy but it doesn’t seem to matter.  I started at the gym. I do great when I am there, but when I don’t get there working out on my own is so hard. I do it but it’s just so tough doing it on my own. I feel like I have support but I also feel alone at the same time. I keep telling myself to not give up. That I have  to keep doing what I am doing. Yet I wonder how long will I mentally be able to stick with this if I don’t see any progress. Sigh…I hate days like this.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will keep on trying. I will keep on working. I will try to do more than I was able to do today.


Thanks But No Thanks!

 Today I had to go to the diabetic center for a check up/med refill for my diabetes. The Dr is good. I have never  had any problems. Today he rightfully fussed at me for not getting my A1C level down, and for my sugar readings being too high. Yeah yeah I get it! I’m working on it!

As we finished up my appointment, he handed me this packet for a new FDA approved weight loss pill. I kind of rolled my eyes and smiled as I took it. Annoyed at the fact that he didn’t even acknowledge the fact that I have dropped 16 pounds and have been eating better, exercising, and in general doing a lot better than I ever have on my own!

I get home sit down and read the information.

In one year the average weight loss is 22-28 pounds.

Yeah right what good will that do me?

Side effects are as follows:

Numbness or tingling in the hands, arms and feet, dizziness, loss of taste, insomnia, constipation and dry mouth.

UGH doesn’t sound good to me.

It’s not known if said drug changes your risk of heart problems or stroke or of death due to heart problems. It is not known if said drug is safe and effective when taken with other prescription, over the counter, or herbal weigh loss products.

Can cause birth defects, increase in heart rate, suicidal thoughts or actions, serious eye problems.

The exact way in which said drug works is not known.

Oh Yes that sounds promising (insert sarcastic voice)

Why in the heck would I ever want to take that drug?