Love And Hate: Fighting My Emotions

Dear self, I hate what you have done to your body.

Dear self, I love that you are trying to change what you have done to your body.

Dear body, I hate that you are not cooperating with my efforts to get healthy.

Dear body, I hate that as hard as I am working the weight is not coming off.

Dear body, I hate that diabetes is a huge factor in not losing weight.

Dear self, I hate that you allowed your body to get so over weight that diabetes is now a problem.

Dear self, I love that even with all the struggles you keep trying. Keep working through the emotions and self doubt.

This is so stinking hard! Did I make the right decision to not go through with weight loss surgery? I have been working so hard to loose weight and it seems like I am facing an uphill battle! This stupid diabetes is not helping! If I eat, my sugar levels go up (even with medicine). If I cut back then my sugar drops way too low when I exercise, and I can’t work out as hard or as long as I need to. I hate this unhealthy feeling I’m having towards food. I am beginning to hate food. I am eating healthy but it doesn’t seem to matter.  I started at the gym. I do great when I am there, but when I don’t get there working out on my own is so hard. I do it but it’s just so tough doing it on my own. I feel like I have support but I also feel alone at the same time. I keep telling myself to not give up. That I have  to keep doing what I am doing. Yet I wonder how long will I mentally be able to stick with this if I don’t see any progress. Sigh…I hate days like this.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will keep on trying. I will keep on working. I will try to do more than I was able to do today.


Detox: The Good, The Bad And My Survival

Six days ago I completed the Beachbody Ultimate Reset. I called it my eating detox. Why is that? Simply because through clean eating and a few 100% natural supplements my body was cleansed from all the processed foods that I had been eating. This is in no way an official type review. It’s just my experience, thoughts and opinions. I needed to do this Reset because my Type 2 Diabetes was so out of control, and I needed a good starting point for my weight loss to begin.

For about a week or so before I started the Ultimate Reset, I started changing small things mostly because I think to dive in head first with no prepping,  I would have failed miserably. I gave up pop, which I have said before was my strongest addiction. I cut way back on meats and carbs. I felt really prepared to take on this venture because I had a great coach and mentor, as well as a great support system set up around me. Famous words of my husband “Do what you have to, and I will do what ever you need me to do. But please don’t make me eat that stuff!” Marty (the hubby), and my kiddos really were great supporters. This was such a vital thing for me. Having my own personal cheerleaders was pretty awesome.

The nice thing about the Ultimate Reset is that it comes with everything you need to get started. All the supplements are included as well as a program and nutrition guide. That has all the recipes for all the food that will be eaten. Best thing about that is that all the meals prepared are one serving, and the amount of food that is in each meal is quite a bit. I called it my guilt free eating! I felt like I was stuffing my belly full of food, but it was such good clean eating I just smiled with every bite!

 This was the whole kit 

Phase one you Reclaim your body. It’s bsically checking out the chemistry in the body, and cutting down the stress on the digestive system by slowly removing red meat and dairy from the diet. The first seven days were all about altering what I ate, and hydrating my body by drinking a gallon of distilled water a day (which I must say I now prefer to tap water). The hardest part of that was learning to drink before meals and drinking it at room temperature. The supplements I took were Alkalinize, Mineralize, Optimize, and Soothe ( I will explain what these do in just a bit). The food during this phase was pretty good though I never got around to eating the nori rolls with tempeh and veggies, the miso soup, or the baked tempeh. I just substituted some of the other things I did like. This phase for me wasn’t too hard. There were some foods that I wasn’t crazy about, but were tolerable. I had some cravings for junk food, but drinking all that water sure helped!  It kept me full!

Phase two is Release. It’s all about releasing the toxic compounds stored within the tissues. This phase is fully vegetarian. Detox supplement is introduced to gently clean the colon. I have done colon cleanses before that left me looking like  botox injections gone wrong! My lips became so irritated and swollen, and the inside of my mouth blistered! On top of that I was in the bathroom with uncontrollable  gut issues. NOT so with the Reset Detox! The guide said that some people experience toxin release through the skin causing breakouts and some emotional ups and downs.  But will not experience the crazy gut issues. I found that my skin cleared up. I did have some emotional highs and lows. The highs were that I was dropping about a pound a day, and was really feeling good about the changes I was making in my life. The lows were that I was unable to use my emotional eating to cover up feelings. I felt emotionally exposed. The food in this phase was delicious. although I had a hard time eating seasoned chickpeas for breakfast! I did not eat the miso vegetable soup, or the roasted beets ( I am not a fan of beets), nor did I eat the edamame and roasted corn succotash. Over all a pretty easy phase with the exception to my cheese cravings. I really wanted to eat cheese! Once again that gallon of water helped! I would drink a glass whenever I had a craving. I could have snacks that were on the approved snack list, but I never felt the need to have a snack. I was full from the meals and water.

Phase three is Restore. it restores the metabolism and puts nutrients, enzymes, and pre- and probiotics back in the body. This is what I called torture week.  This phase added in the  suppliment clled Revitalize, thus restoring the healthy bacteria back into the digestive system.  This was the hardest week for me. It was all fruits and vegetables. No grains. I  just really struggled with this week but mostly because I was close to the end, and I did not loose a single pound. But I survived!

Now let me explain the supplements.

Alkalinize: Helps neutralize the  excess acid in the system. improves the pH balance. It’s made of Organic alfalfa grass, organic barley grass, organic barley grass, organic kamut grass, and organic wheat grass….yes it’s a beautiful shade of green, but it smells horrible and tastes like algae! I honestly never got this down with out throwing up. I think my one suggestion would be for Beachbody to put this powder in capsules!

Mineralize: Adds natural minerals needed by the body. Contains salt minimally processed and contains up to 70 natural minerals and elements. The salt in mineralize is even purer than sea salt.

Optimize: Promotes healthy metabolism and effective body functions.

Soothe: Helps enhance digestive health and support the reduction of inflamation.

Detox: Helps remove toxins and waste in the colon. This was very gentle and I never felt like I had to “run to the bathroom”. The thing that surprised me was that I wasn’t in the bathroom more.  It is mixed with water and in my opinion just needs to be taken quickly. It tends to gel up a bit. The flavor to me was kind of like orange zest and ginger. It wasn’t the best but way better than the alkalinize!

Revitalize: Helps revitalize flora in the digestive tract.

Over all I think my experience of the Ultimate Reset was positive! Will I do it again? Yes I plan on doing it again. I’m thinking when I reach my halfway goal weight or when I reach my goal weight.  It wasn’t so hard to follow. It was very regimented which was good for me. Also I found that by eating whole foods I can eat and not feel guilty! I have introduced a little meat back into my diet but I found that I really don’t like the flavor of the meat. I don’t plan on being vegetarian but I now know that I can be full and happy with out meat. I feel that my stomach has shrunk because I am able to feel full on less food. That’s a plus! I have also been able to cut my diabetic medicine in half. By eating whole foods and more fruits and veggies I can maintain a lower blood sugar level through out the day! So far I have been doing well with my eating since I’ve been done with the Reset. Another huge plus is that the issues of foot and leg numbness caused by my diabetes has improved greatly! My outlook is more positive! I have a better attitude towards this whole weigh loss journey I’m on. I am not on a diet! I am changing my life style! So far so good! It was only 21 days. 21 days that were so necessary to my health!

Thanks But No Thanks!

 Today I had to go to the diabetic center for a check up/med refill for my diabetes. The Dr is good. I have never  had any problems. Today he rightfully fussed at me for not getting my A1C level down, and for my sugar readings being too high. Yeah yeah I get it! I’m working on it!

As we finished up my appointment, he handed me this packet for a new FDA approved weight loss pill. I kind of rolled my eyes and smiled as I took it. Annoyed at the fact that he didn’t even acknowledge the fact that I have dropped 16 pounds and have been eating better, exercising, and in general doing a lot better than I ever have on my own!

I get home sit down and read the information.

In one year the average weight loss is 22-28 pounds.

Yeah right what good will that do me?

Side effects are as follows:

Numbness or tingling in the hands, arms and feet, dizziness, loss of taste, insomnia, constipation and dry mouth.

UGH doesn’t sound good to me.

It’s not known if said drug changes your risk of heart problems or stroke or of death due to heart problems. It is not known if said drug is safe and effective when taken with other prescription, over the counter, or herbal weigh loss products.

Can cause birth defects, increase in heart rate, suicidal thoughts or actions, serious eye problems.

The exact way in which said drug works is not known.

Oh Yes that sounds promising (insert sarcastic voice)

Why in the heck would I ever want to take that drug?