Anything Is Possible (Once I Put On My Big Girl Panties And Just Do It )

Wednesday I was doing a track workout with my trainer. I was feeling kind of blah after a few days of gut issues and migraines. I was not not feeling positive about anything. We talked about signing up for the Clark Lake 5K that is this weekend (in 2 days). Not sure if I really wanted to do it, I decided that I would sign up to be a walker, that way I wouldn’t be disappointed if I couldn’t run the whole thing. I mean why would I be able to? I’ve not been able to run farther than 1.2 -1.5 miles so far.

Today (actually about 2 hours ago) after a phone conversation with Tahny (trainer) I decided that I would sign up as a runner and if I couldn’t do the whole thing then that is fine, I will just do what I can and walk to rest then run again. Somehow That just didn’t seem good enough. Would I be satisfied with not running the whole thing? I mean I’m a big gal, and let’s face it I’m really out of shape so why would I be upset? I knew deep in my heart that I would be disappointed if I didn’t run the whole thing. It would be one more thing that I’ve let myself fail at. I knew that I needed to suck up this self pity mode that I’ve been stuck in and “put on my big girl panties” and just do it.

Lacing up my running shoes (actually my son’s running shoes.  I find that his shoes are just more comfortable), my water bottle of nice cold water, my headphones and cell phone (I really need an iPod), put on Pandora and hopped on the treadmill. I was determined to run 3 miles. I set my speed at 3 mph and just went for it. Ok I know that 3 mph really isn’t that fast but I’m not fast like I used to be and that’s plenty fast enough for me. At about 1.2 miles, my body said Hey this isn’t fun. I kept going. At 1.5 miles my body said “I don’t like this”, and my brain responded “Neither do I”. Yelling out to Caleb (my oldest son), I think trying to find some mental support, I told him that I was struggling with a mental block. He said “Keep going mom, you just have to find a way to get through it and keep going”. I did, I kept going.  I turned up the volume and kept on going only having a minor tear filled melt down. At 2 miles I realized that my breathing was good, and I felt that my running form was good. My brain told my body “Suck it up butter cup this is the farthest you’ve run”. I turned up Pandora just a little bit louder. Then I was at 2.3 miles and I hit another wall. I walked about 20 steps and said to myself “This isn’t good enough! QUIT WALKING!”

I needed to  get my focus off of what I was doing so I could ignore my brain and my body. Looking straight ahead, I found that the boy’s bedroom door was quite boring to look at. I wonder if they would care if I put up a poster of Channing Tatum or Dwayne  Johnson? Yeah that would be worth looking at 😉  Somehow I think they would protest. Wow another good song! That’s awesome Pandora! It’s way easier to keep moving when there is good music playing. I really tried to not look down  at the monitor on the treadmill. UGH still had a quarter of a mile to go! YES another good song!! Will this ever end? 2.7 miles…..another couple of good songs. 2.9 OMG! will this ever end???????

Sweating, wobbly legs, dry throat and no heart attack, I finally reached 3 miles! After my cool down, I danced a happy dance! I felt so proud of myself! I am proud to say that I am a runner! Now I feel confident that I can handle this 5k on Saturday! For me it’s not a race it’s a challenge and a new goal to meet.

 

 

 

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OH Come on!

My morning text from my Friend/fitness/accountability partner “today’s workout is:45-50 min on the treadmill. Keep the first 35 min high impact. The remaining 10 min slightly lower impact. Then 10 min abs”

Ok I got this! I can handle that! Piece of cake!

I plug in my headphones and turn on Pandora. And off I go. Nice speed. Just below a speed that would put me at a jog. Working my arms engaging my core, chest up. Yes I’ve got this!  This is going great! I’m working up a sweat.  Got a good rhythm, I’m feeling good. This will go by fast.

5 min? That’s all I’ve done so far? Oh Come on!  How is that possible?

Keep focused. Look ahead. Focus on the music. Music always makes things better Right? Eyes straight ahead working my arms. Focus Jen focus!

Oh Come on!  Really how am I the only person who can’t walk in a straight line on a treadmill?!?

That’s ok. I can do this. It’s all good. So what if I can’t walk straight? Who is here to see me?

15 min? Oh come on! There is no way it’s only been 15 min! I so need to get this stupid timer on this treadmill fixed!

 How can I be ready to stop now? I still have abs to do when I’m done on this treadmill! How come today it’s harder than the others? Did I make the mistake in deciding not to pursue weight loss surgery when my A1C levels drop? Wouldn’t that just be an easier option? Am I once again going to fail at loosing weight and getting healthier? Am I once again going to let myself down? Once again prove that I am a failure? Oh come on!  Why am I so self defeating? Suck it up and deal with it! I’m almost done with this treadmill today. It hasn’t really been that bad. 20 min? What the heck!? Oh come on! Why God is this so difficult? Please Lord help me! I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to quit. I want to be successful. Please please please!

Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer. Psalm 4:1

I love how when I pray I have a stilling comfort that comes over me. It’s easier to focus and to be positive. God Loves me. He hears my pleas, my tears and reaches out to show me that fear and frustrations don’t come from Him. He wants me to be successful. He wants me to be happy and healthy.  So come on Jen Be positive! It’s not that hard!

If you are sick of starting over, you have to stop quitting.

Never give up on yourself! Make you a priority and keep pushing yourself! You will be surprised what you can achieve!

I was successful in my work out today! I completed all that I was challenged with. I had to strike out the negative thoughts, and remember that it’s going to be hard. I finished with a positive attitude and I’m ready for the next challenge!

So come on and  bring it! I’ve got this!