I remember as a child playing hide and seek in the yard, on the playground, in the dark… it’s an all time favorite game. Every so often when my kids have friends spend the night I will go out side and play hide and seek in the dark (yes even as teens they still like the game). It’s a great game. Trying to get away from whose it by running in zig-zags to keep from getting caught. It’s not a straight line to home base that will get you there faster, it’s just an attempt to stay in the game longer and not have to be the seeker, but that quickly tires you out. However if you are the seeker and you can’t seem to catch anyone, the game quickly becomes no fun.
Isn’t life like that sometimes? When we constantly chase after something and never get it? Or we run in zig-zags instead of the straight line to achieve our goals. We get tired and burned out. Life becomes less fun.
This past week has been a struggle for me. I’ve been wrestling with my inner monsters. Once again self doubt started creeping in. The raw emotions of why I am constantly struggling with thoughts of worthiness, being a failure, Not being good enough….These thoughts make me moody and unpleasant to be around. It’s really quite depressing.
I was really struggling with these emotions and feelings this morning. Quietly in my heart, I felt God speak to me “Stop! Be still and hear me. I love you my child.” I realized that once again I have been playing hide and seek with God again. He does not want me to feel these feelings. They are not from Him. I’ve once again been trying to deal with all these emotions feelings, and struggles and self doubt on my own. When will I become less stubborn? When will I learn that I can’t do this on my on. I have my husband and kids who are supporting me. I have my friends supporting me. And most importantly I have God to lean on and to heal all that is wrong, and to give me the strength to face the hard days, and to give praise to on the good days. I’ve been on the zig-zag path trying to deal with things alone, instead of taking the straight path by praying and turning to God for help.
Hiding from God really is kind of pointless isn’t it? He knows right where we are every moment of every day. He knows our sorrow, our pain, and our joy. He knows our innermost thoughts. It’s time for me to stop trying to hide from God. It’s a game that I just won’t win. The path to my successful journey to better health and weight loss is by seeking God, and to healing my heart of all the junk that is holding me back. It’s not just a healing of the body but a healing of the spirit. I cannot have the physical healing I need if I run away from the spiritual healing.
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you
Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong, courageous, and firm; fear not nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your god who goes with you; He will not fail you or forsake you
Lord I don’t want to hide any more. It’s pointless. My life would be easier if I quit fighting for all the control. Lord please continue to be with me by my side even when I fail. I seek You Lord. I need you Lord. I cannot go through life without you.