Sweat, Stink, Shoes And Shin Pain

This week I started my workout at the fitness center. Oh yeah I’m loving it! It helps that my dear friend is my trainer, and is right there by my side the whole time. She makes it easier by being my brains. I just listen and do what she says to do. We chat and laugh. It sure makes the time go by faster! The fitness center is hot and not air conditioned, but it’s clean and well maintained, so there is nothing for me to complain about (yes I am a bit of a germaphobe when it comes to some things). It’s just hotter than blazes in there! Maybe it’s supposed to be that way? Does sweating make the fat go away faster? If so turn on the furnace!

I am not a girly girl. I never have been.  When I was younger, I was a cross between girly and tomboy, a  nice mixture of the two (I loved sports but liked to look pretty). I am enjoying being active again, but I really really REALLY hate being sweaty! My feet getting sweaty and cramped in my shoes, yeah that is pure torture! UGH-  The sports bra sticking under my boobs, and my undies stuck to my butt…yeah I don’t care for that at all! I can’t begin to describe the amount of baby powder I use on my rolls to keep comfortable while exercising!  I’m sure if a big gust of wind hit me there would be a puff of white powder trailing behind me! But hey I’m a big gal and I need to be comfortable! Yeah yeah yeah…. TMI I know, but I have to keep it real.  It’s all a part of my journey. It’s all a part of my getting healthy. It’s all about me sharing the good the bad, and the totally embarrassing parts of my process. My trainer said that she loves a good sweat. That it makes her feel like she has had a good workout. I guess I never thought of it that way. Maybe I need to change my view point of sweating. Although I think that may take some serious mental effort on my part! There was one really stinky, sweaty man there the other day next to me …. Oh how it made me want to gag. He was dripping like he had been soaked by a hose. Did I mention I don’t like sweat? Oh I really need to just get over it! It’s a gym for goodness sake! People are supposed to be sweaty and stinky! I need some serious therapy! I am sounding really snooty and stuck up, and really that is so not the way I am. I just need to relax and let go of some of my hang ups!

I am not a super comfortable person in a gym setting. It’s hard being that “fat lady” in a place where people as a rule are “fit and skinny”.  However the fitness center that I go to is not like the fancy fitness centers that you’d see those  big buff body body builders at (like Golds Gym, and Planet Fitness). I have been to gyms like that before and felt so out of place that I never wanted to go back.  This fitness center is at a local high school and is really down to earth. It hasn’t been crowded at all, and every one seems to be pretty nice. I don’t feel uncomfortable there at all. I’m not quite ready to go alone with out my trainer. I’m still in the “infant” stage of my fitness training so I still need to have my hand held so to speak. I’m sure that with time I will be able to go and workout on my own. But for now, I’m happy having my trainer by my side. Besides having someone with you makes it more fun!

I did notice that my shins have begun to hurt a bit. I’m thinking that it’s probably because I live barefooted, and at the gym I have to wear shoes, so my feet are forced into a different position and it just is going to take some getting used to. It’s just slightly uncomfortable. Today I found that while interval training on the treadmill during my up time, I cranked the speed up where it was hard to walk quickly, and was just natural to run, and the shin pain was lessened quite a bit. Down time walking was a tad more uncomfortable. Kinda odd huh? One would think walking would be more comfortable.

What kind of athletic shoes do you wear? Can you make some suggestions? Someone suggested Vibrams because I love being barefooted. But I think that they may take a while to get used to and may not offer the support that my still quite large frame will need. I wear Nike right now, but I’m not sure if they are a good fit for my feet. What about New Balance? Reebok? I’m thinking that a trip to Running Fit (a store in Ann Arbor) is in order. They will watch me walk and look at my foot placement and see what my feet need and fit me with the right shoe.

I mentioned that I ran today. Yes I did run, but to be honest, it was in comparison to someone who is a runner probably a pathetically slow jog. But you know what? I was pretty darn pleased with myself. I used to be a great runner, and was quite competitive. I would love to be a runner again. Not competitively, just run to be healthy. I find walking boring. I’m not sure why, I just do. I always felt a great accomplishment when I finished running, and a new personal time was met. I loved the challenge. I don’t think that I will ever run the mile in the low 5 min range like I used to, but I do know that one day I will run a mile again with out stopping! It won’t matter if it’s a slow pace. It will matter that I’m just doing it! I may not look graceful they way I used to while running. It will matter that I am achieving a new goal that I have set for myself!

I saw this picture and had to laugh! How true this is! I felt so good running today even if it was just in intervals. I know I looked silly. And that’s OK with me!

I just want to run!


I have one more week before I start adding to my workout routine and I am so excited! I am ready for my transformation! I’m ready to be fit and healthy! I’m ready to have my butt kicked in the gym! So I say bring it on!! I can do this!


Detox: The Good, The Bad And My Survival

Six days ago I completed the Beachbody Ultimate Reset. I called it my eating detox. Why is that? Simply because through clean eating and a few 100% natural supplements my body was cleansed from all the processed foods that I had been eating. This is in no way an official type review. It’s just my experience, thoughts and opinions. I needed to do this Reset because my Type 2 Diabetes was so out of control, and I needed a good starting point for my weight loss to begin.

For about a week or so before I started the Ultimate Reset, I started changing small things mostly because I think to dive in head first with no prepping,  I would have failed miserably. I gave up pop, which I have said before was my strongest addiction. I cut way back on meats and carbs. I felt really prepared to take on this venture because I had a great coach and mentor, as well as a great support system set up around me. Famous words of my husband “Do what you have to, and I will do what ever you need me to do. But please don’t make me eat that stuff!” Marty (the hubby), and my kiddos really were great supporters. This was such a vital thing for me. Having my own personal cheerleaders was pretty awesome.

The nice thing about the Ultimate Reset is that it comes with everything you need to get started. All the supplements are included as well as a program and nutrition guide. That has all the recipes for all the food that will be eaten. Best thing about that is that all the meals prepared are one serving, and the amount of food that is in each meal is quite a bit. I called it my guilt free eating! I felt like I was stuffing my belly full of food, but it was such good clean eating I just smiled with every bite!

 This was the whole kit 

Phase one you Reclaim your body. It’s bsically checking out the chemistry in the body, and cutting down the stress on the digestive system by slowly removing red meat and dairy from the diet. The first seven days were all about altering what I ate, and hydrating my body by drinking a gallon of distilled water a day (which I must say I now prefer to tap water). The hardest part of that was learning to drink before meals and drinking it at room temperature. The supplements I took were Alkalinize, Mineralize, Optimize, and Soothe ( I will explain what these do in just a bit). The food during this phase was pretty good though I never got around to eating the nori rolls with tempeh and veggies, the miso soup, or the baked tempeh. I just substituted some of the other things I did like. This phase for me wasn’t too hard. There were some foods that I wasn’t crazy about, but were tolerable. I had some cravings for junk food, but drinking all that water sure helped!  It kept me full!

Phase two is Release. It’s all about releasing the toxic compounds stored within the tissues. This phase is fully vegetarian. Detox supplement is introduced to gently clean the colon. I have done colon cleanses before that left me looking like  botox injections gone wrong! My lips became so irritated and swollen, and the inside of my mouth blistered! On top of that I was in the bathroom with uncontrollable  gut issues. NOT so with the Reset Detox! The guide said that some people experience toxin release through the skin causing breakouts and some emotional ups and downs.  But will not experience the crazy gut issues. I found that my skin cleared up. I did have some emotional highs and lows. The highs were that I was dropping about a pound a day, and was really feeling good about the changes I was making in my life. The lows were that I was unable to use my emotional eating to cover up feelings. I felt emotionally exposed. The food in this phase was delicious. although I had a hard time eating seasoned chickpeas for breakfast! I did not eat the miso vegetable soup, or the roasted beets ( I am not a fan of beets), nor did I eat the edamame and roasted corn succotash. Over all a pretty easy phase with the exception to my cheese cravings. I really wanted to eat cheese! Once again that gallon of water helped! I would drink a glass whenever I had a craving. I could have snacks that were on the approved snack list, but I never felt the need to have a snack. I was full from the meals and water.

Phase three is Restore. it restores the metabolism and puts nutrients, enzymes, and pre- and probiotics back in the body. This is what I called torture week.  This phase added in the  suppliment clled Revitalize, thus restoring the healthy bacteria back into the digestive system.  This was the hardest week for me. It was all fruits and vegetables. No grains. I  just really struggled with this week but mostly because I was close to the end, and I did not loose a single pound. But I survived!

Now let me explain the supplements.

Alkalinize: Helps neutralize the  excess acid in the system. improves the pH balance. It’s made of Organic alfalfa grass, organic barley grass, organic barley grass, organic kamut grass, and organic wheat grass….yes it’s a beautiful shade of green, but it smells horrible and tastes like algae! I honestly never got this down with out throwing up. I think my one suggestion would be for Beachbody to put this powder in capsules!

Mineralize: Adds natural minerals needed by the body. Contains salt minimally processed and contains up to 70 natural minerals and elements. The salt in mineralize is even purer than sea salt.

Optimize: Promotes healthy metabolism and effective body functions.

Soothe: Helps enhance digestive health and support the reduction of inflamation.

Detox: Helps remove toxins and waste in the colon. This was very gentle and I never felt like I had to “run to the bathroom”. The thing that surprised me was that I wasn’t in the bathroom more.  It is mixed with water and in my opinion just needs to be taken quickly. It tends to gel up a bit. The flavor to me was kind of like orange zest and ginger. It wasn’t the best but way better than the alkalinize!

Revitalize: Helps revitalize flora in the digestive tract.

Over all I think my experience of the Ultimate Reset was positive! Will I do it again? Yes I plan on doing it again. I’m thinking when I reach my halfway goal weight or when I reach my goal weight.  It wasn’t so hard to follow. It was very regimented which was good for me. Also I found that by eating whole foods I can eat and not feel guilty! I have introduced a little meat back into my diet but I found that I really don’t like the flavor of the meat. I don’t plan on being vegetarian but I now know that I can be full and happy with out meat. I feel that my stomach has shrunk because I am able to feel full on less food. That’s a plus! I have also been able to cut my diabetic medicine in half. By eating whole foods and more fruits and veggies I can maintain a lower blood sugar level through out the day! So far I have been doing well with my eating since I’ve been done with the Reset. Another huge plus is that the issues of foot and leg numbness caused by my diabetes has improved greatly! My outlook is more positive! I have a better attitude towards this whole weigh loss journey I’m on. I am not on a diet! I am changing my life style! So far so good! It was only 21 days. 21 days that were so necessary to my health!

Self Confidence: It’s Not As Easy As It Seems

Funny how we often let what others say and think influence how we feel.  How others opinions influence how we think.  Or how the actions of others lead us to follow them. Ok maybe it’s not funny, it’s quite sad actually. Sometimes the thoughts and opinions of others can change us to the point where we start to believe what they are spewing out. Look how commercials influence us. All the books that tell us how we should think,  how to be or not be. The way music influences people. I know the music that I listen to can change my mood or my thoughts at that particular moment (my praise and worship music can soothe my troubled heart in just a few songs). Society influences us all in one way or another.

Often it’s the words, opinions and actions of those we know that can influence us the most.  Those are the things that can either break a person down or build a person up quicker than those of a stranger.

About two months ago I was working in the nursery at my church. It was snack time for the kids. As I was putting some cereal  in small cups for each of the kids, I told them to all sit down around the table. One of the kids said “You can’t have snack”  That’s interesting I have never had snack with them before so I asked why I couldn’t have snack.  This child said “because you are fat”.  Ouch! That one smarted. In one simple sentence, opinion, action from a  preschooler I felt deflated like a balloon. Kids are so brutally honest. They say what they think and really could careless if it’s hurtful or not. They call it as they see it.

This child was right, I am fat (although I prefer to say I’m fluffy, it sounds better). In four little words from a small child my self-esteem took a dive that day. Yes, I know how people see me. I know what society thinks about  big people (I used to be that way myself. I was not always fat). If a child is thinking it aren’t others thinking it to? I just didn’t need that reminder from a small child! To be honest It’s nothing that I haven’t said to myself over and over again. It’s just harder coming out of the mouths of others (how pathetic that I let a small child’s words affect me like that…I really need therapy!).

A little over a month ago I was talking to a dear  friend of mine. We were sitting on her deck having a nice chat. She said to me “I get it. I understand your frustrations. But you can do this. I told you I will help you and I will”. The conversation we had over the next few hours was so uplifting and left me feeling confident that I could make the necessary changes in my life. Her opinion, thoughts, and actions left me feeling more confident in myself. It was what I needed to hear as I was convincing myself that to have weight loss surgery was not the way I should go. That I needed to do this on my own or I would not learn to deal with the issues that cause me to over eat. Convincing myself that I would have more satisfaction when I achieved my goal on my own. I left her house with a game plan. I was confident that success was going to be achieved this time! That failure was in the past.

Through my friend’s help I started a detox. I mentioned it in an earlier post. It’s the Ultimate Reset by Beachbody. It’s a good program really. It’s easy to follow, and is gentle on the system. I’ve been spent the last three weeks resetting my body on the inside. Cleaning out the toxins from all the junk I’d been eating. I will give a more detailed opinion when I am totally finished with the detox in a later post. The last few weeks have been very regimented and scheduled out. It’s been fairly easy.  But as I approach the end my confidence is taking a hit. I’ve lost 21 pounds in about a month, I can see subtle changes…very subtle… but over the last week I’ve not lost a single pound, and that’s frustrating. When the weight was coming off steadily I was confident, encouraged, and ready to attack weight loss and getting healthy head on!

After a trip to Trader Joes in Ann Arbor this week with my dear friend Tahny and two other friends from church, I said that I felt like  being on the detox was like being in rehab. And now that it’s winding down to the last week it’s like I’m leaving rehab and having to face the real world again. I’m ready for it to be done so I can put into action on my own what I’ve learned. Yet at the same time I wonder will I be able to cope? Will I be able to resist the urges to binge eat to control emotions?  Will I be able to add some foods back into my diet and be able to resist the urge to not over eat?  These feelings are so real and raw that I literally feel like I am going into a panic when I think about it too much. UGH! At what point in my life will this be under control? Will there always be the urge to use food to soothe emotions? Will this always be a stress point for me? Will I ever attain my goals to be off all diabetic meds, and to be at a healthy weight?

Trying to keep confident and fired up, I told Tahny that I’m ready to get into the fitness center and get working! She told me that the few pounds I’ve lost so far is the “easy fat”. That what comes next is getting off the “hard fat”, and that’s going to take time and lots of hard work, but when it starts to come off the transformation will begin. I’m ready to transform, I’m ready to change. I’m ready to hold on to the confidence that  I need to stay on this path to a healthy me!  But I am also terrified of failure. Failure will be devastating. Failure will kill me, my health is such that if I can’t succeed I will have a short life ahead of me. Do I have what it takes to dig deep and do what will be necessary to succeed?

I need to just chill out don’t I?

Maybe I need to take some yoga classes to help me relax and not stress so much!

Hide And Seek…It’s Not Always All Fun And Games

I remember as a child playing hide and seek in the yard, on the playground, in the dark… it’s an all time favorite game. Every so often when my kids have friends spend the night I will go out side and play hide and seek in the dark (yes even as teens they still like the game). It’s a great game. Trying to get away from whose it by running in zig-zags to keep from getting caught. It’s not a straight line to home base that will get you there faster, it’s just an attempt to stay in the game longer and not have to be the seeker, but that quickly tires you out. However if you are the seeker and you can’t seem to catch anyone, the game quickly becomes no fun.

Isn’t life like that sometimes? When we constantly chase after something and never get it? Or we run in zig-zags instead of the straight line to achieve our goals. We get tired and burned out. Life becomes less fun.

This past week has been a struggle for me. I’ve been wrestling with my inner monsters. Once again self doubt started creeping in. The raw emotions of why I am constantly struggling with  thoughts of worthiness, being a failure, Not being good enough….These thoughts make me moody and unpleasant to be around. It’s really quite depressing.

I was really struggling with these emotions and feelings this morning. Quietly in my heart, I felt God speak to me “Stop! Be still and hear me. I love you my child.”  I realized that once again I have been playing hide and seek with God again. He does not want me to feel these feelings. They are not from Him. I’ve once again been trying to deal with all these emotions feelings, and struggles and self doubt on my own. When will I become less stubborn? When will I learn that I can’t do this on my on. I have my husband and kids who are supporting me. I have my friends supporting me. And most importantly I have God to lean on and to heal all that is wrong, and to give me the strength to face the hard days, and to give praise to on the good days. I’ve been on the zig-zag path trying to deal with things alone, instead of taking the straight path by praying and turning to God for help.

Hiding from God really is kind of pointless isn’t it?  He knows right where we are every moment of every day. He knows our sorrow, our pain, and our joy. He knows our innermost thoughts. It’s time for me to stop trying to hide from God. It’s a game that I just won’t win. The path to my successful journey to better health and weight loss is by seeking God, and to healing my heart of all the junk that is holding me back. It’s not just a healing of the body but a healing of the spirit. I cannot have the physical healing I need  if I run away from the spiritual healing.

 Psalm 147:3  He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds 

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you  

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong, courageous, and firm; fear not nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your god who goes with you; He will not fail you or forsake you

Lord I don’t want to hide any more. It’s pointless. My life would be easier if I quit fighting for all the control. Lord please continue to be with me by my side even when I fail. I seek You Lord. I need you Lord. I cannot go through life without you.